In about 2 5 hours will mark the approximate time my husband passed, last year on this date.

And i don't really want to be in the house anytime between 7 and 8 pm.  Tomorrow night won't be much less stressful.  Don't care for this time of year - the forces of hell are about.  Oh yeah, will have the audio-sermons playing.  That runs them off, they don't like hearing about Christ's return - it scares them.  The wash basket is ready to be loaded in the car; by 6:30 i'll be at the mat, and won't be back to the house until a bit after 8.

People think spirits are cool.  i don't.  Yeah, i know that many just want to have some fun, they're not into being malicious.  But the thing is, even the least evil of the demons side with the dragon (the devil), they do satan's will.

90-some percent of widow sites focus on dating. BLEEECH! Seriously sounds more like satan's plan to turn widows into wid-hos.

More peter-pan, but this time with horns.  Yep, just another way to make financially-challenged old widows feel even more like crap.  Dating means shelling out money for ewhoremany and other dating sites - not to mention, the hair studio, and buying a few (ti$$ue-thin) outfits.  For what?  So you can hook up with mr.dutch-treat - who, by the way, will - three dates from now, will - expect a bj for his half-flaccid junk.  That's what!  Bleech, no thanks.

Oh, the peter-pan advice for (old) widows...gag me with a spoon. First off,

telling a widow to "re-invent" herself, and "just get out there"...uhm, "makeovers" and getting new curtains for the livingroom...excuse freaking me, but simply treating yourself to lunch at the diner...costs money.  Ya know, that which more than a few old widows can't really spare.

Oh, i am so glad that one thing i am so NOT! is lonely. 

But alot of financially struggling widows are.  And the last thing they need is smug-arse'd advIce from people who aren't worried about the cost of tires, and whether the roof will be okay till spring.

Just today, ms-thinks-shes-all-that (the 2nd) was going on, and on, about her (local) shopping trip she made the other day.  i basically gray rocked.

NO! i'm not lonely, and neither do i care to find a group of (gossipy) women to do lunch with.  Once in a while, i do treat myself - and frankly, i am just f-I-n-e, fine eating ALONE in a diner.  When i was young, being alone was a reproach (uh, yeah, satan deceives young women into buying the L.I.E. that you need pee-pull - most of whom are bad news, anyway - to validate you).  Now that i am old, i can enjoy solitude.  Have to be so careful around pee-pull...whaddabuncha hidden reefs...no thanks.

Saw a new term, wid-hoe, and i am not surprised. The term was hooked up

with the familiar fwb (friends with benefits) that aren't friends at all, and offer n.o.t.h.i.n.g., only take.  The internet is fOOl of this bs.  Seems, everytime i google, looking for widow blogs, the search engine, unfailingly, generates the same dating slop.  Women, especially women who've lived long enough to know better, can be such pathetic idiots. Ugh, nauseating!

Sometimes i am grateful that my financial situation does not allow me to go out - it's called the Lord's hedge of protection against temptation.  But i would be a boldfaced  liar to deny the flesh that still dwells within me.  My unredeemed flesh does NOT want to "socialize" because, frankly, this old hag is one stuck-up bayoch - junior-high cheerleaders, call yer office!

The red pills would call it just another "post-wall entitled" b!tch.  You got that right!  Ew, the very idea of dating...worse than repeatedly interviewing for the same sort of crappy jobs.  At least burning up the precious gas in your tank to travel miles to wash dishes or scrub smelly toilets is something you do fully dressed. 

That loud mouth woman spilled a sack of red-pill pellets in the hall.

Knew there was something i didn't like about her.  She was bragging to her girlfriend along the lines of scoring money from her two previous marriages.  Uhm, guess that helped to finance that 3-week euro va-ca she was bragging about just two weeks ago.  And guys don't want to commit?  Ya think...!

Oh well, on the bus now, headed home.  i'm hungry, will boil some macaroni, add a few cauliflower florets, butter and ricotta cheese.  Tomorrow, the cafe is having chicken cordon bleu - will enjoy that real meal.  It's been a few days. i know this is a rough patch, and maybe next year around this time, thing$ will stabilize.

Oh but there are a few real men of God out there. The real preachers, however few

and far between, exhort their congregations that giving - unless it's for-real, don't bother.  The real men of God, have real faith; they know that the Lord will provide, one way or another.  Yeah, the real preachers aren't shy to exhort their congregations about sacrificial giving and denying self - some people enjoy giving 30%, other people are grateful to manage a joyous 5%.  Real men of God want their congregations to have food in their cupboards, and no back-balances on their electric bills.  Real men of God don't hex struggling householders' machinery from the pulpit.  Hex???  You betcha!  There are he-witches behind pulpits - even ones who are KJB only.